Sometimes I Forget My Husband Is Tired Too

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t the best day for me. There were lots of tears and episodes of spit-up.

I was ready for my husband to be home an hour before he ever was.

When he finally got home, he dealt with the toddler so I could tend to the baby and get her to bed. 

We had a big list of things to do that night—cleaning, organizing, and decluttering the basement. 

Once I got the baby to bed, cleaned up, put dinner away, and my husband still wasn’t downstairs, I got angry.

Fast. Too fast.

Why was I doing all of this by myself? We usually split these chores at night. 

Why was he hiding upstairs? 

So I took my anger and went to the basement to try to start the work we needed to get done. 

Lo and behold, I couldn’t do any of it because I wasn’t strong enough. 

Cue more anger. 

I took my collected anger and irritation from the day and marched it all straight upstairs to tell him to come and help me. 

That’s when I found this—him asleep with the baby on his chest.

I instantly felt so much guilt. 

Why did I let myself get worked up over him not being there to help me clean the kitchen? 

Why did I let my anger from the day continue to fuel my evening? The only two hours I get to spend with my husband each day.

He’s worked hard all day.

He’s tired, too.

He came home and held the crying baby so I could have a five-minute break. He put the toddler to bed I’ve had to pretty much argue with all day. 

He helped because he cared. He helped because he loves us. 

They both fell asleep. Exhausted from their albeit different days. 

My anger is now gone. It’s been replaced with gratitude. 

I needed tonight to play out exactly how it did.

Anger and all. 

I needed to be put in my place.

Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to witness this.

Dear Child Of Divorce, It's Not Your Fault

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

It’s not your fault. None of it is. You are not to blame in any of this. How could you be? You are young and innocent and oh, so brave for traveling the road before you.

You will learn lessons many don’t learn until well into their adult years.

You will probably also have to fight many battles a child should never have to face.

I just want you to remember—none of it is your fault. 

Some people just aren’t meant to be together, and in your case, that’s your parents. I know it’s hard.

God hears the prayers of a child, so seek Him. But do not be discouraged if He doesn’t grant you the desire in your heart and the wish for your parents to get back together. You don’t know it now, but He is in control. I promise, sometimes this is for the better.

I’m sorry you are a witness to arguments. More than you should be as a child. You may feel the weight of them on your shoulders, but they are not your fault.

I’m sorry you feel the need to take sides in a situation that is much greater and more complex than you can understand right now. One day you will get the chance to see all angles, and I hope you have the grace to extend forgiveness to your parents and to who you were back then. 

It’s OK to be scared. It’s OK to not understand right now. Your parents probably don’t comprehend everything either. 

It’s not your fault you feel caught up in a whirlwind. It’s not fair you don’t have the ability to recognize the fear and anxiety inside of you.

I’m sorry you have to grow up faster than your friends.

It’s not your fault you must pack a suitcase often and rotate clothes between houses so your friends don’t notice you wearing the same five outfits to school every other week. 

It’s not your fault people may seem to pity you. Do not let their feelings make you feel sorry for yourself. You are strong and capable, and you can handle this. It may seem overwhelming now, but one day you will see the immense strength you carried through your childhood. 

It’s not your fault you must find a way to balance other adult’s feelings on top of the load you already carry for yourself.

It’s not your fault if you have to ask for help. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to reach out. I hope you have someone in your corner.

I’m sorry you feel left out when you visit friend’s houses who don’t have divorced parents. I’m sorry this makes you feel inadequate. Please know you aren’t less than.

The anger you witness is not your fault.

The sadness that sometimes engulfs you is not your fault.

 The worry that churns in your stomach is not your fault.

 The fear that takes residence in your body is not your fault.

These are big feelings for a tiny person, and I’m sorry they’re on your plate.

You will grow and learn, and one day you will look back and see all the ways you had to mature faster than you should have. You will see your strength. You will see the love. You will find a place of forgiveness in your heart for all of your memories once deemed unfair and tragic. 

Your parents still love you even if they don’t love each other anymore. Don’t ever forget that.

Dear child, things are hard for both you and your parents. They are trying to make choices that are best for themselves and for you, and I am sorry you are being pulled into the mix. 

It’s not your fault. None of it is.

I Am A Mama But I Am His Wife First

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

My husband and I just had our first night away from our children in over a year. We’ve had simple overnight trips planned before this one, but they always fell through for various reasons: sick kids, issues with work, a freaking global pandemic—if you name it, then we’ve had it cancel our plans. It got to the point I was about ready to just give up putting any more effort into aligning our schedules, childcare, everyone’s health, setting money aside, and booking a trip. I was putting in so much effort for it just to be dashed every time, for over a year.

Do you hear me whining? It’s because I am. (First-world problems, I know.)

Well, somehow the stars aligned, Satan decided to thwart someone else’s plans for the weekend, no one was sick even amongst the coronavirus chaos, my husband took the day off, and we had someone to watch our kids. I couldn’t believe it. To say I was excited could possibly be the understatement of the year.

But then the weekend started creeping up on me. With each day that passed, I started listing off all the reasons we didn’t need to spend a night away from the kids.

What if one of them gets sick? What if we bring coronavirus back into our home? What if the baby won’t eat while we are gone? What if she won’t sleep? I worked so hard to get her on a schedule, and I sure didn’t want that messed up. Should we really spend this much money on a simple two-day trip? Shouldn’t we just spend time with the family members who are watching the kids that we don’t get to see that often anyway?

All the what-ifs hanging in the balance before me were daunting. Did I want a night away and time with my husband? Absolutely. Did I want to go through all the effort it takes just to have that one night away? No, not really. I already had enough on my plate.

Well, let me tell you, sister, it was more than worth it.

All the wondering and worrying and what-ifs were gone the moment we hit the road. My husband and I got to spend quality time together outside our home. We ate at a real restaurant, not Mcdonald’s. There were no crying children. We stayed out until after dark. I forgot what cities look like at night. We went for ice cream. We took a nap at four o’clock in the afternoon. We answered to no one but each other for a day and a half and not only was it every bit of glorious, it was needed.

The busyness of life makes us put our marriage on the back burner more often than I like to admit, but this quick trip made me realize I can’t let that happen anymore. Yes, I am mama, but I am also wife, and I was wife first. My children need to see us putting in extra effort to keep our marriage alive, happy, and afloat. I want my kids to see that it takes planning, and even more than that it takes desire, to make things work.

As much as I love being mama, I don’t want to lose myself so much in my children that when they move out my husband and I are strangers.

Mama, don’t let all the lingering, listed to-dos overwhelm you to the point that you don’t even want to try to invest in your marriage. As hard as it is to set aside time, money, and align everything else in order to get just a measly one night away–do it. Don’t think twice about it. You will thank yourself for it in the end.

I’m sure of it.

Dear Kids, This Is What I Pray For You

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

If a parent tells you they don’t have dreams for their children, they’re lying. From the moment the pregnancy test turns positive, your mind runs wild, and it never really stops. Of course, everyone wants good things for their children: happiness, love, and a family of their own. You constantly mull over your child’s future in your thoughts, wondering what their strengths and weaknesses will be and who they will become. It’s just our job as moms to worry—it’s what we’re good at.

I want you to be brave enough to make the right choices. And if it ends up being the wrong choice in the end, I want you to be brave enough to admit that.

I want you to value family. I want you to rush home at the end of the day to get to the dinner table and get the kids to bed. I want you to treat family as sacred as it really is.

I want you to be vocal in all aspects of your lives. But I also want you to know that words hurt, and once spoken, they can’t be retracted.

I want you to date with intent. I don’t want you to be frivolous with another’s feelings—that’s not fair to who you date, and it’s not fair to treat a relationship as anything less than what God intended. 

I want you to fail. Failure will teach you more than I ever can, more than books and teachers ever can. But, I want you to get back up with purpose and know failure is a step in the right direction. I will never let you fail so much you lose sight of who you are. 

I want you to always take the time to slow down—for your own mental health, for your marriages, for your children. The small things really are the big things and you don’t realize that until they’re gone.

I want you to always be a friend first. Set aside your differences with whoever is in question and remember to love them as God would. 

I want you to be persistent in all endeavors. Whether it’s a lemonade stand or medical school, I hope you never slack. Character is built when you struggle, and I don’t want you to give up just because you’re disheartened.

I want you to experience love and not just in the romantic sense. I want you to love learning and to love others. I want you to see love as more than hearts and realize it can be passion for what keeps you moving. Love truly knows no bounds—just ask your mother.

I want you to know that questions are good.

That means you are learning. That means you truly do, somewhere deep down, have the faith to ask the hard things. You know there is an answer, and you aren’t afraid to look for it. God answers in a million ways, and I know if you are brave enough to ask, He will always answer.

I want you to be open with your struggles. You never know who needs to know they aren’t alone. You never know who can find strength in your story.

I want you to find happiness within yourself. I don’t want you stuck in a job or life that leaves you unfulfilled. Do what brings joy and never settle for less—even if the paycheck isn’t as grand as what others have. Never rely on someone else to make you happy.

More than anything at all, I always want you to come home. Please, never knock on the front door. I want you to burst in and lie on the couch and let your worries fade away. I want you to know I will always be waiting on you to come through the door, with open arms.

There's Never A Good Time To Have A Baby

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

There’s never a good time to have a baby. It’s true. There will always be something in front of you saying NO! There will more than likely always be the nagging thought in the back of your mind that says, nope, not right now, and it’s probably on repeat.

I think you could almost label it a scientific truth.

Every time you think you are ready to bring a precious child of God into the world, something will slap you in the face that tells you, well, actually you aren’t. A job loss, a health problem, fear in innumerable forms, the cost, distrust in the future, loss of self, the worry of losing your career, and as a real kicker, in recent months a global pandemic health crisis has been on the table.

All of these thoughts are valid. Every single one. They’re real and warranted.

But, don’t let them stop you. 

If you sat down and made a list of all the reasons to not have a baby, you’d run out of ink and paper before you even made a dent. More than you think can probably be erased.

The unknown fear of the pain of childbirth is easily forgotten as soon as you hold the baby bundle in your arms. How else do all these large families happen? 

The pure joy of a child learning a new thing—to walk, to talk, how to throw, how to play—all of these things erase the sleepless newborn nights. You truly do eventually forget them.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, can replace the baby snuggles. Nothing is sweeter or more euphoric. It’s a feeling that beats anything else in the world.

The fears you have before pregnancy and during the time of your growing belly eventually fade into the reassuring, tiny pitter-patter of footsteps down the hallway. 

The worry of the unrest future of the world becomes less of a forefront thought in your mind as you watch a tiny person learn their emotions and try to make the right choices.

Money will probably always be a worry throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from having a child. Money isn’t everything. God can, and will, provide in the most mysterious ways if you have even a little faith.

Something will always get in the way of having a baby.

Every time you want to have the discussion, something will more than likely thwart your plans. Nothing will ever be laid out in picture-perfect fashion to tell you, Yep! Now’s the time to bring a child into the world.

It’s true, there’s never a good time to have a baby. But don’t let that stop you.

The absolute pure love that will enter the world in the shape of some seven-ish pound, scrunched up and screaming human will erase any thought you ever had about wondering if it was the right time for you to have a baby.

I bet after you have the first one, you might not even think twice about having a couple more.