The Best Toddler Birthday Gifts

My kids are both under five so, obviously, we spend a lot of time with toddlers and, therefore, a lot of time at toddler birthday parties. Birthdays are my favorite holiday and I absolutely love making the birthday kid feel special!

Lately, we have spent at least one or two weekends a month at a birthday party and with the holidays coming up, I figured a list of some guaranteed-to-be-a-hit gifts for toddlers is something we will all be searching for.

Here are my go-to toddler gifts:

Find all of the gifts (& links!) at Knoxville Moms.

Social Media Can Hurt Moms

Let me start by saying this: I love social media. It connects me to my friends and family, it’s how I stay up to date with world occurrences, and it’s how I’ve found a community after moving to a new city. I’ve found connection with moms from all over the globe, literally, through mom groups on Facebook and by scrolling through Instagram at two in the morning while I’m trying to stay awake to feed a baby. I run multiple social media accounts that in turn put food on the table for my family. The internet keeps the world turning in my house in a myriad of ways.

Social media allows moms, even more so stay-at-home moms, to feel less alone.

Moms that are stuck at home with new babies and toddlers can go days without any interaction with other adults, especially if their spouse travels. If you’ve ever been scrolling through Facebook and see a mom you know posting five times a day and having conversations in the comment section, instead of saying, “Wow, they need a life,” maybe you should think, “That lady needs someone to talk to other than her kids.”

Social media gets a bad rap (rightfully so and I’ll get to that in a moment), but it has created a web of moms that support each other. A mom knows what it means to feel isolated in her experiences; just ask any of us who have been home with littles over the past two years. Finding connection to get through motherhood is vital – and for some moms, social media is the only place they can find it. It allows moms to find playgroups, get pediatrician recommendations, vent, figure out what rash their kid has (if you know, you know), seek out community resources, and more. I’m a firm believer that if you need an answer to something, ask a moms group on Facebook because they have it (and if they don’t, they’ll find it).

Social media has opened doors to an endless possibility of connection. So, when is it time to close the door? That’s basically the question of the decade.

Be sure to check out the rest of my post on this important topic here.

I Wish I Would Have Asked for Help During My Postpartum Depression

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

I used to wander around in a newborn fog and wonder why it seemed so easy for everyone else. Why does that mom look so put together? Why does that baby not cry? Why does that dad help out without being asked? How is that mom so happy?

The transformation into a mother wasn’t magical for me. I felt alone, unwanted, and insecure. I didn’t feel like myself. The birth of my son didn’t go like I thought it would. As I cried along with my baby at three in the morning, I would say to myself, I wasn’t ready for this. Albeit, it was a bit too late for that self-realization.

I couldn’t understand why it came so easy for everyone else. It seemed effortless: the cute family, the clean house, the happy marriage. I wanted all those things. I wanted them all so bad it made my stomach hurt–and I had them from the outside looking in.

But within me was turmoil.

I thought, this is just what becoming a mom is like. I mean, I didn’t have anything to compare it to since I was a first-time mom. I knew to expect being tired, but I didn’t expect the wave of exhaustion that pushed me under. I knew babies cried, but I didn’t know it would take me quite a while to differentiate between what all the cries meant. I thought breastfeeding would be easy-peasy and natural, but it wasn’t.

I didn’t know that not being able to sleep while my baby slept was a sign of severe postpartum anxiety. I thought all moms were nervous and my jitters were A-OK.

On Sunday evenings, I would cry in the shower knowing my husband would be headed to work early the next morning, and I would be on my own for the next five or six days.

I would be fully responsible for keeping my baby alive, I had no family nearby to help, and it overwhelmed me to the point of tears.

Many days my head would hit the pillow at night before I realized I hadn’t eaten a single thing all day. Too focused on scheduling my day around the new tiny human in my house, I lost the bearings on my own life.

I retreated inside myself and inside the walls of my home. I felt like if I stayed home, then I could control everything. What time the baby slept, how much he ate, what germs he was exposed to. I declined playdate offers. I lost sleep over an appointment scheduled during a normal nap time. I slept every time my baby took a nap–one, two, even three naps a day. I let the dishes pile up in the kitchen sink each day. I could see them and I knew they needed to be washed, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t have the energy or the mental space.

I thought all of this was normal.

It was not.

My biggest regret as a mother is not reaching out for the help I needed postpartum.

I don’t write this looking for pity–I write this to hopefully make another new mom feel less alone.

I’m grateful for the awareness that is being brought to postpartum anxiety and depression in moms. It’s more talked about now than it was 20, 10, and even 5 years ago. But more can always be done. I needed more than a one-page questionnaire at my one postpartum checkup at six weeks. I needed more than a sheet asking “Do you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby?” at my son’s pediatrician. I never had a single thought of harming myself or my child.

When I say the thought never crossed my mind, I really mean it. So I thought that meant I didn’t have postpartum depression. I wasn’t considering ending my life, so I didn’t qualify as needing intervention.

But I did.

I needed more than, “Oh, he will sleep eventually” or “You’ll miss these days!” These comments, although well-meaning, would slice me to my core. They always left me pondering: Am I not a good mother because I’m not enjoying this? Will I grow up to resent my child because of this? Will my kid love me when they find out these things?

I constantly wondered, Why am I not enough?

I wasn’t enough of myself. I didn’t find joy in anything I did pre-kid. I couldn’t muster the energy to even leave the house. I wasn’t enough of a wife. My husband worked long hours, and I resented him. I didn’t communicate with him. He didn’t know the turmoil that was inside my head, and I lashed out often. He deserved better.

I wasn’t enough of a mom. I didn’t take my kid to many places for fear of being off schedule and that would result in him not sleeping at night. I needed him to sleep because I needed sleep. I needed more sleep than I ever had before. Even if I got 12 hours in a night I woke up still feeling exhausted.

Becoming a mom was overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning.

It’s also been the best thing to happen to me.

It took me until my son was about 15 months old to feel like myself again. I’m not kidding when I say I woke up one day and the fog was gone. I got up that day and the dishes didn’t send me into tears. My son’s crying didn’t make me quiver. Pulling out the vacuum to clean the floors didn’t overwhelm me. My husband came home, and I was happy to see him, not angry that he had been gone all day. I don’t know what flipped the switch for me, but I am so very glad something did.

I wish I would’ve spoken up about how I was feeling. I truly thought that since I couldn’t check off the “postpartum depression suicidal box,” I was fine—when in reality I wasn’t.

Postpartum anxiety and depression can take many forms. We need more thorough mental health checks during the postpartum period. We need to speak up without fearing shame and ridicule. We need more resources for new moms to show them there isn’t a normal. We need support. We need more than the comment, “It’ll get better. This will pass.”

I’m not sure what pulled me out of the hole I was in after my son was born.

Prayer, desperation, a change in life pace–I don’t know. But I wish I would’ve gotten the help I desperately needed sooner. I was ready the second time when my baby girl came around. I didn’t feel myself sinking initially after I brought her home, but a few months in (thanks to COVID-19 and isolation) I could feel it beginning to happen. I knew what warning signs to look for in myself, and I knew what to vocalize to the people in my corner thanks to therapy.

I wasn’t afraid to ask for help the second time around and that made all the difference.

New moms need more than cute baby clothes and someone offering to hold their baby. Postpartum can be awful. Help be the one who puts out the fire. Don’t be the one commenting about their parenting when you have no idea what’s going on within their lives and home.

New mama, speak up when you feel isolated, scared, anxious, and sad.

Find someone you trust. Make sure they’re in your corner and reach out to them even if you feel ashamed, vulnerable, or stupid. I can assure you, you aren’t alone in whatever you are feeling, there is another mom out there wondering the same things you are.

Postpartum doesn’t last forever. Things do get better, but it might require speaking up and reaching out for help. Please don’t suffer in emotional turmoil like I did for months on end.

Mama, you are enough. You always have been.

Hey Mom, You Need a Break

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

I love my kids. I’d help clear the path to the end of the earth for them if that’s where they wanted to go. To say my life as a stay-at-home mom entirely revolves around them would be accurate. My children brought meaning into my life that I was lacking, and they bring me an unfathomable amount of joy. I love watching them grow and develop on their own tiny timelines, and I am eternally grateful that I’ve missed very little of their younger years. They are my drive to be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend each day.

But I still need a break from them.

I’m human. I get tired, touched-out, and exhausted. I lose any semblance of patience after a long day of screaming, crying, and tantrums. Wiping tiny butts, making all the meals and snacks, and making sure everyone is taken care of all day long takes its toll both mentally and physically.

There are multiple reasons so many primary caregivers suffer from depression and anxiety and feel isolated. (The global pandemic has only made matters infinitely worse). Women, after having children, usually find themselves thinking Who am I anymore? The more I talk to other moms, the more I’ve realized we all lose ourselves (at some point and maybe even multiple times) in our service to our families.

Being a mom is an incredible role. Somehow it is everything and nothing I thought it would be—all at the same time. Motherhood is full of joy and sadness. There are moments of triumph and defeat. Trying to navigate parenting different ages and stages of your children can rock you to your core.

All any mom wants to do is raise good humans.

You’ve heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” You can find it pretty much anywhere these days with the societal increase in focus on self-care (especially for women). But I disagree.

You absolutely can pour from an empty cup.

People in every walk of life do it every day. That’s why, in my opinion, so many people find themselves struggling. In society, we are taught how to argue, work, and “hustle, hit, never quit” but we are rarely taught how to listen, self-reflect, and prioritize ourselves. There’s a difference between prioritizing yourself and being selfish, it’s not a fine line at all, and I think we, as moms, especially fear being called selfish.

If you worry if you’re a good mom, then it’s probably a guarantee you already are a good mom.

Moms cannot be expected to be present 24 hours, 7 days a week for 18+ years of a child’s life. Not only is it impossible, but it’s also unfair. Sure, we all decided to have kids on our own accord, but just because someone has children doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a break.

If you are feeling completely depleted in your role as a mom, then it’s OK to take a break.

Pouring from an empty cup is emotionally, physically, and spiritually damaging. Moms have been on severe hyper-overdrive for the past 2+ years due to the pandemic, and most of us were already drained before COVID arrived.

I’m here to tell you it’s OK to fill your own cup, in your own way, on your own time.

For me, that’s taking a break from my kids. It’s simply that I need time to myself to recharge. I need space to feel like my own person and not just someone’s wife, mom, daughter, and all the other labels I carry. I need time to be just me, and honestly, I think we all do.

I don’t want to look back when my kids are grown and remember little of their childhood due to being completely depleted and exhausted. I want to look back and know I took care of myself and that allowed me to take better care of my children.

A break is going to look different for everyone.

It could be going to work, sitting in your car alone in silence, a girls trip, a romantic weekend getaway, finding a new solo hobby, or even eating a dinner alone that you didn’t have to cook. Whatever makes you happy and fills your cup—and only your cup not anyone else’s—then do that.

It’s OK to get a break from your children and enjoy it. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like less of a mother for doing so.

Take the break, Mama. You deserve it.

Developmental Delays Are Not Your Fault

This post was originally published on Her View From Home.

When my youngest child was a freshly turned toddler, she wasn’t talking, walking, or acting much like a toddler. She was very much still a baby in regards to most physical and cognitive development. When I checked off the age-appropriate developmental list at the pediatrician at well-child appointments, my stomach churned at every “no” or “not yet” box I checked.

My oldest child hit every developmental milestone literally months early. He was talking in sentences by 18 months and running laps around the house at one year. I only have two kids (and we all know we aren’t supposed to compare our children to each other, but we all do it anyway), and my oldest paved my way through motherhood. His normal was all I knew when baby number two came along.

When little sister was different, I worried.

I would always try to push the worry out of my mind, but it would creep and find its way back into the forefront of my mind, especially when I saw other people’s kids who were the same age and younger than mine hitting milestones.

When I found out that someone close to me had said it was my fault my youngest wasn’t progressing developmentally like my oldest did, I was utterly crushed.

Was I able to play and work with my youngest as much as I did when my oldest was my only child? Of course not. It wasn’t pressure I put on myself necessarily, it was just that I obviously had a heck of a lot more time to focus on one child at a time when I only had one child. Having kids 25 months apart had me spinning for months and still does over two years later, to be honest. If you are struggling to come to terms with the fact your child isn’t necessarily like the other children their age, then I want to tell you something.

Mama, it’s not your fault.

If your child isn’t hitting developmental milestones, it’s not your fault.

If your child is struggling, it’s not your fault.

If your child presents differently than other children you know, it’s not your fault.

Years from now, no one is going to care if your child walked at eight months or 18 months.

Years from now no one is going to care what age they were potty trained.

Years from now, no one will care if they learned their letters at two or in kindergarten.

If you have a child who is struggling in any aspect of their development then I want to reassure you: Mama, it’s not your fault. Every baby will forge their own path in their own way.

You are their mama for a reason.

Yes, there are times when interventional therapy or outside assistance is necessary, but there are plenty of examples when a child just learns to do something at their own pace, on their own time.

Every child develops on their own path. Every child was handcrafted by God in their own unique way, especially for you. He made that child for you. He knew you would be a good mama for them. He knew it because He knows all.