Honor the Mother You Are

As women, we are often bombarded with messages about what it means to be a "good" mother. We are told that we need to be selfless, and patient, and always put our children's needs above our own. We are expected to sacrifice our own desires and dreams in order to fulfill our roles as mothers.

But the truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all definition of what it means to be a good mother. Every woman's experience of motherhood is unique, and the way that we choose to parent our children should be based on our own values and beliefs and not on societal expectations or standards.

So how can we honor the mothers that we are, rather than trying to conform to an impossible ideal? Try these things:

• Accept yourself: One of the most important things that you can do to honor the mother that you are is to accept yourself for who you are - flaws and all. No one is perfect, and it is okay to make mistakes and have doubts. Be kind and compassionate with yourself, and remember that you are doing the best that you can with the circumstances.

• Trust yourself: As mothers, we often second-guess ourselves and seek validation from others. But the truth is that you are the expert on your own child and your own parenting style. Trust yourself and your instincts! Don't be afraid to make decisions that are best for your family, even if they are not popular or conventional.

• Prioritize self-care: As mothers, we often put our own needs last, but it is important to prioritize self-care in order to take care of ourselves and our families. This can include simple things such as: getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and taking time for ourselves. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is essential.

• Embrace your own motherhood journey: Every mother's journey is different, and it is important to embrace the unique experiences and challenges that come with being a mother. Don't compare yourself to other mothers or try to fit into a mold. Instead, celebrate your own journey and the lessons that you have learned along the way.

• Let go of guilt: Guilt is a common emotion for mothers, but it is important to let go of the guilt and shame and focus on the present moment. It is okay to make mistakes and to have moments of doubt. Let go of the guilt and move forward, focusing on the love and connection that you share with your child.

• Seek support: As mothers, we often try to go it alone, but it is important to seek support from others. This can include things like asking for help from your partner, seeking advice from other mothers, or seeking professional help if you are struggling. Remember that you are not alone and that it is okay to ask for help.

Honoring the mother that you are means accepting and trusting yourself, prioritizing self-care, embracing your own journey, letting go of the guilt, and seeking support. It means recognizing that there is no one-size-fits-all definition of what it means to be a good mother! The most important thing is to be true to yourself and your own values and beliefs.

By honoring the mother that you already are, you can be the best mother that you can be for your child.

You’re doing a great job, Mama.

The Year I Started Taking Care Of Myself

I thought that in order to be a good mother, I had to deny who I truly am. I was wrong. 

And honestly, thank the Good Lord for that. Imagine for a moment how terrible the world would be if every Mom was exactly the same…Y’all that would be terrible. We would all be miserable!

When I began my motherhood journey five years ago, I thought I had to cram myself into the motherhood box. You know the one; it’s the one society labels a “good mother.” Generally, “good mother” goes hand-in-hand with “good wife.”

The weight of those two boxes is enough to drown even the best swimmer. 

So many women enter motherhood with the misconception that we must give up who we truly are in order to be good moms. That’s seriously the worst thing we could do, yet so many of us do it. I had this entire reality of motherhood construed in my mind when my first child was born. I was adamant that I was going to be the perfect mom for him. 

I’ve laid that pipe dream to rest five years into this whole Mom thing. 

It took me too long to realize that the best mom for my kids is ME. Not whatever society tells me I need to be, but who I truly am at the core. And the type of Mom that I am is going to be different from the type of Mom you are — and that’s the beauty of motherhood.

The biggest thing I have done wrong on my motherhood journey is denying myself joy. I thought my job as a mother was to stifle who I am, my wants and needs, in order to raise good tiny humans. I thought in order to be the best mom for them I had to cater to their every need and have my world revolve entirely around them.

Mama, please don’t make the same mistake I did. 

By putting myself dead last in my family, I created what I like to call the Monster Mom. I was resentful, anxious, depressed, jealous, miserable, and irritated. Even the smallest outings and tasks overstimulated me to the point of tears. I hid from family and friends because I wasn’t proud of the mother I was. I felt inadequate, overwhelmed, and unprepared. I thought my kids deserved a better Mom and my husband deserved a better wife. I wanted out. Glory be to science, therapy, and Heaven that I’m writing this for you to read today. 

In 2022, I decided that I mattered.

Read the rest of this piece on the Knoxville Moms website to find out what I did to change my life.

Traveling Without a Plan

Have you ever hopped on a plane not knowing what you were going to do once you got to your destination?

The thought of that gave me major anxiety. But I did it. And it was AMAZING.

In the fall, my husband and I took our first long-distance trip without our kids! I was set on having this trip detailed by the hour. I wanted to do all the things, see all the sights, eat all the foods, and cram absolutely as much as I could into our four day trip to Denver.

My husband convinced me otherwise.

“Let’s just enjoy it,” he said. So…that’s what we did.

I’ve never packed a bag and boarded an airplane with nothing booked but a rental car. No place to stay, no activities — nothing. It was unnerving for me, honestly.

Read the rest of this post over at Knoxville Moms.

Recovering From a Traumatic Birth experience

Giving birth is a life-changing experience, but for some women, it can also be traumatic. A traumatic birth experience can have a significant impact on a woman's emotional and physical well-being and can leave her feeling overwhelmed, scared, and unsure of how to move forward. If you have experienced a traumatic birth, it is important to seek support and take steps to heal and recover. I had a traumatic birth with my first child, and one of my biggest regrets as a mother was not seeking the help I needed to recover from it and process it sooner.

One of the first things that you can do to recover from a traumatic birth experience is to seek support from loved ones. It is common for women who have experienced a traumatic birth to feel isolated and alone, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Talk to your partner, friends, and family members about what you are going through, and let them know how they can support you. Most people will be unsure of how to help you, so be clear and direct. It is okay to need support during this time.

Another important step in recovering from a traumatic birth experience is to seek professional help. If you are experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety, it is important to seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can help you to process your experience and work through any lingering trauma. Even if you don’t experience the severity of PTSD, please seek outside help for postpartum depression, postpartum anxieties, and trauma.

In addition to seeking support from loved ones and professionals, there are a few other things that you can do to recover from a traumatic birth experience.

• Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is important, both physically and emotionally. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking time for yourself. It is also important to be gentle with yourself and avoid pushing yourself too hard. You are only human, Mama.

• Talk about your experience: It can be helpful to talk about your experience with others who have been through something similar. This can provide a sense of validation and support and can help you to feel less alone. You can find support groups online or in your community, or you can connect with other women through social media. (If you are needing one in the Knoxville area, please let me know and I can send you in the right direction).

• Write about your experience: Writing about your experience can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and thoughts. You can write in a journal, or you can try writing a letter to your baby or to yourself. Writing can help you to release any emotions that you may be holding onto and can provide a sense of closure.

• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment, without judgment. This can be a helpful way to deal with any lingering trauma from your birth experience and can help you to focus on the present moment rather than getting stuck in the past. You can try mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation. (Hint: try yoga).

• Take time to heal: It is so very important to give yourself time to heal. Recovery from a traumatic birth experience is not a quick process, and it is important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time that you need to heal - both physically and mentally.

Recovering from a traumatic birth experience can be a difficult and challenging process, but it is possible.

You can do it, Mama. I believe in you.

The Ups and Downs of Motherhood

Motherhood is often depicted as a joyful and fulfilling experience, but the reality is that it can also be challenging and demanding. Becoming a mother means taking on a multitude of roles and responsibilities, and it can be a roller coaster ride of emotions. I want you to know that it is okay to acknowledge and sit with all of the emotions that come with motherhood.

One of the most common challenges that mothers face is a lack of time for themselves. With the constant demands of caring for a child, it can be difficult for mothers to find time for their own interests and pursuits. This can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment and can make it difficult for mothers to maintain a sense of identity and individuality.

Another challenge that mothers often face is the lack of support from their partners and communities. In many cases, mothers are expected to shoulder the majority of childcare responsibilities, even when they are working outside of the home. This can be overwhelming, and exhausting, and can leave mothers feeling isolated and unsupported.

Despite these challenges, we all know that motherhood also has rewards. The bond between a mother and her child is often incredibly strong and can be a source of immense joy and fulfillment. Seeing your child grow and develop is incredibly rewarding! The love and connection you share can be deeply fulfilling.

Motherhood is a transformative experience. It can challenge you to grow and develop as a person and can help you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your priorities. Surprisingly, it can also be a great opportunity to develop new skills and talents and to discover hidden strengths and capabilities. I realized traits and qualities of myself I never knew I had until I became a Mama.

Overall, motherhood is a complex and multifaceted experience, and it can be both rewarding and challenging. It’s okay to feel both emotions. As a matter of fact, it’s imperative we feel all the emotions that encompass motherhood if you ask me!

It is important for mothers to take care of themselves and seek support from their partners and communities in order to navigate the highs and lows of this demanding and rewarding journey. Please join us in any of the upcoming Mama Yoga classes if you are looking for ways to navigate motherhood with more support and connection.